my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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