I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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