I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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