she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
