pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize