Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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