6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
