I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
