hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
