Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
