And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
