Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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