Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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