Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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