ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just pee around me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
