ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
