Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize