im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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