I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize