I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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