As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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