I bet he comes in French.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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