Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
