fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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