currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
