I met the friendliest cop last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
