it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
