He felt like a one man threesome
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
