just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
