I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
