those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
