Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Randomize
