We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
