My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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