I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
high people should be assigned attendants
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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