OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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