We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
