i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
