I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
