You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
