Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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