I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
