i jhust puked up my retainher.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
