I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
