he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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