Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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