Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
