If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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