Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
