at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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