I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
