margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
