who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
