a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
