Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
