we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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