I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
