I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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