1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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