I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize