Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
