Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
