the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize