i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
