don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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