Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize