the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
