I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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