A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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