One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
