It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
