his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
