Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
