And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
