i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
