Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
