if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
