I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize