Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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