Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize