Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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