There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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