Do vagina's smell?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
