Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize