That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
