Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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