she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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