The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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