I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
