How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
