pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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