So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
