sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
