Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize