you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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