dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
