hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize