Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
