its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
